how you hide from your intuition so it screams loudly at you
My intuition is barely a whisper as I’ve shoved it to the back burner to pursue my successful corporate career. The only remaining bit is seeing my astrologer every other year or so and that’s not my intuition, that’s a connection to prophecy I hold onto tightly.
There’s no other breath, however. I don’t quiet my mind, go out in nature, do yoga or drop into my heart. I barely have time for a work out and that’s always a moving, driving, strengthening activity that reflects my all-consuming work life.
But, my intuition has other ideas.
My intuition comes calling with a complete derailment of my life as I know it.
Of course, it has – I haven’t given my intuition any other choice.
When my son, Nick, is born I have the first inkling that I must have traveled too far from my intuitive side.
My intuition comes crashing forth with an explosive BANG!
Here we go.
My intuition is going to start screaming so loudly, I won’t be able to miss it.
But, guess what?
My intuition disappears – totally and exactly when I need it.
My intuition screams by remaining ABSENT.
Gone. Kaput. Not one single connection, nudge or whisper.
Oh, how I deserve this.
You see, I have relied on my intuition. I’ve used it when hiring or firing. I’ve used it when saying yes to this date and no to that one. I’ve used it every single day with my clients, when I’ve downloaded their business models or have come up with solutions apparently out of thin air.
I definitely followed my intuition when I fall in love with my husband as that’s a story right out of an intuitive knowing text book.
But, what have I done?
I’ve ignored the magic of my intuition.
I’ve taken it for granted.
I’ve discounted its usefulness.
I’ve hidden it away in a closet, so now it stays there.
Silent.
Absent.
Gone.
For those of you who have been following us for a while, you know about my son Nick. How he comes crashing into our lives upending everything I think about who I am and how I’m going to be a mother. The moment he’s born, I find out how little I know, like and trust myself and it sends me in a tailspin that takes me more than a decade to recover.
In those first few weeks, months and years, Nick is failing. He fails to thrive, he fails to eat and sleep, he fails to develop. Doctors and therapists predict Nick won’t be able to walk up the stairs naturally, throw or catch a ball or have a normal social life. When he’s an infant and toddler, his physical issues are the most prevalent. As he grows, be becomes more anxious, has sensory disorder and increasing emotional disconnection. He’s on the trajectory of autism.
All during this time, my intuition takes a back seat, begging me to connect, but not presenting me with a way to do so.
What happens?
For the first time in my life, I second-guess myself, relying instead on doctor’s predictions, book recommendations and other mother’s advice. I follow everyone else’s suggestions, ignoring myself. I barely maintain any semblance of normalcy in those first few years and remember always feeling uncertain and inadequate, wishing my mother’s intuition would kick into gear.
But, my intuition is teaching me a lesson.
My intuition is asking me to go inward, to stop seeking answers from others and following this one’s ideas or that one’s methods.
How my intuition holds sway over me by being silent and burrowing further inside of me.
Now I have to go searching for it when it’s been so easily accessible all of my life.
How I wish I hadn’t shoved my intuition into a closet.
How I regret every time I’ve taken my intuition for granted.
How desperately I need my intuition to jump right back into my lap.
It’s not going to happen.
Ultimately, my intuition is asking me to know, like and trust myself and not anyone else, no matter their stature, credentialing or expertise.
No matter the importance of the subject at hand.
No matter the critical nature of my son’s development and his quality of life.
My intuition is going to remain silent until I know, like and trust myself.
How can I do that when my intuition is staying as silent as a tomb?
Nick is failing and failing at a faster rate. It’s now such an issue, he can’t keep food down and the doctors are threatening invasive procedures.
I have to figure this out and fast!
I have to find some way for my intuition to come back to me, so I can figure out what to do.
I need answers.
I want solutions.
I…
Gulp.
The intuition is a powerful being and doesn’t like to be discounted.
It seems there’s no way out of my predicament.
What about you?
Has your intuition ever gone silent, so you have to go searching for it?
Tell me about a time your intuition has disappeared and what you did to get it back.
Seriously, I want to hear all about it as we can all learn from each other.
xo, Kim
P.S. Psst…you know where this is going. It’s going to a really cool feature (the best one yet), but it’s also going to a prize as your intuition wants you to engage.
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